Departing
by SilyaBeeodess
Summary: (Oneshot) In Ahsoka Tano's POV. What goes through of mind of the young Padawan we've come to love and admire as she faces the final step that will change everything for her and the lives around her? This is just a short thing I wrote after the watching the Season Five finale. If you haven't seen it yet, you might not want to read this. Spoilers ahead!


_Head high. Don't think about it. Don't look back. Just keep going and never look back…_

I do as I order myself to, willing my body forward, down the steps and away from the only place I've ever truly known. He's stopped following me now. Nothing's stopping me. And yet I struggle with keeping my gaze toward the sunset; to not look back up those steps. I'm afraid that if I do, I won't be able to control myself from running back into his arms, where I've always found my strength and safety.

That is, until now. I'm just not sure anymore. It hurts to think, to feel, to even consider all that has happened as of late. I feel so lost; lost and broken.

My heart pounds in my chest, like an ominous, slow beating of drums. My eyes, that I am forced to keep open, sting threateningly. There's a lump in my throat that, no matter how many times I swallow dryly, I can't force down.

_Don't look back._

I have nothing now. My title; gone. My home; gone. My life; gone. There's nothing left of who I am anymore save my name. And my future…All I had dreamed before has vanished into thin air, and it was all I ever knew to have and live by. There has never been another life I had imagined than the one I already had. Yet here I am, with little to no real choice but to give it all up.

It's too late now anyway. I feel I've somehow crossed a point of no return.

What am I going to do?

_Don't look back._

I concentrate on planning ahead. So far, only two things come to mind. I could see if I can find Kidd again. He was nice and he had offered me a chance on his team before. Maybe he would take me in. Then again, does he even still remember me? After all this time?

Or I could travel to Dantooine. I could find Lux. And nothing would stop me now from telling him how I've really felt for so long. Nothing would hold me back. And even if he doesn't feel the same, I know he won't just turn away from me. No, I'm certain he would help me. There's just one problem; he's going to be the senator of Dantooine for the Republic. Which means eventually he'll move nearby the Senate building.

Meaning he and I would just wind up right back here. And I don't think I could live like that, forever facing everything I left behind.

_Don't look back._

Did I really turn away from everything and everyone that made up my existence? Or did they all just turn away from me? I'm so confused. Everything seems so clouded. Now more than ever, I wish someone was there to help get me through this, to help guide me…But it just me now. I'm on my own. And I know this is something I am forced to figure out by myself.

_Don't look back._

I stop. I'm standing on the very last step. Looking down, I see flat ground leading to the busy streets of Coruscant. I must make my final decision now; the sun is almost down and it would be unwise to find myself caught in the city at night with nowhere to go, unarmed. I clench my fists; take a deep breath, shut my eyes.

I step down.

My eyes snap open. As if a vortex has passed, I feel it; the signs of the last bits of my identity being stripped away from me, leaving me empty. If I reached out to claim them, I know it would be futile. Now, absolutely everything is gone.

I am hollow.

I know my way around. I don't have credits, but I risk using the Force one, last time to convince a taxi terminal driver to take me to the nearest spaceport. I'll stay there for the night and take a shuttle offworld first thing in the morning.

_Don't look back._

I can't help it. The last rays of sunlight glare off one of the Temple's pillars, glinting back in my direction. I look back, just in time to watch it disappear once the taxi terminal makes a sharp turn left and then heads downward, obscuring it from view when a large expanse of buildings block the way.

Only then do the tears begin to fall.


End file.
